My self-development tool kit used to consist of this; a computer full of online courses that essentially offer the same result, a bookcase full of self-help non- fiction and a strong desire to discover that one system, strategy, question, piece of advice or program that was going to change things for good.
And some of them worked, for a little while. But inevitably, I found myself back to frustration, questioning why weren’t the energetic treatments, affirmations, mapping, blueprinting, storyboarding, visualising, journalling, gratituding, intention setting, meditating, readings, manifesting, therapies or coaching sticking?
Why wasn’t my life changing like I so hoped, when these proven strategies obviously helped so many others? I was doing the work. I would commit. I invested. I was open to trying new things and did what I was being asked. What was wrong with me?
And with every attempt that didn’t stick, the more my confidence took a knock that I actually could change my life and fulfill my dreams in an authentic and integral way. Leaving me feeling hopeless and incapable of creating anything meaningful.
This cycle continued as I sunk into a deeper rut of spending money on courses that I couldn’t afford hoping that this time, it would land.
My ‘eureka’ moment did come, but delivered by an unexpected messenger. I was watching TV and an ad was on telling me “because you’re worth it” and in that moment I caught the voice in my head saying “No. You’re not”.
And there is was, the core belief that was running the show of my life ‘I am not worthy’.
How can anyone who believes that they are fundamentally not worthy fulfill their potential and live their life in alignment with who they truly are?
Our brains and ego love to be right. If you believe that you are not worthy, your ego and subconscious will do everything it can to make decisions and behave in a way that proves that belief right.
That was exactly what was happening with every attempt to create, change or improve my life, I was reinforcing the belief of “I’m not worthy”.
I did this by quitting, looking for validation outside myself, choosing to stay in my comfort zone, by feeling under-confident, not speaking up, having low energy, being a people pleaser, staying in situations longer that I should have, not promoting myself at work because I was afraid of being judged, creating injury and illnesses and for a time using all the outside stuff that I could use to self medicate.
My conscious desire to change my life was in constant conflict with my subconscious belief and that is why nothing would change, no matter how much I tried.
So how did I turn this belief around? By working with my subconscious beliefs through hypnotherapy, bringing my awareness into the present moment, asking myself what would someone who is worthy do when making decisions, affirming my worth over and over and understanding that the very fact I am here makes me worthy. You can’t prove something that exists, I am worthy and so are you.
It hasn’t been easy or comfortable and it is an ongoing process but it has made my life better. I have discernment now. I don’t look outside myself for validation and my relationships have improved. All the results I was looking for with the programs, books, mantras and therapies were and are, inside not out. There is no magic pill, strategy or formula. Uncover your beliefs. Challenge them, change them, get help with this if you need to, and you will build the foundation on which to create your big, beautiful life.