A Cold Cup of Tea (PART 3)

Insights from a new Mom; what she believed would happen when her daughter entered into this world and what has really happened so far. Part 3.

My daughter is growing up. Yes, she is getting bigger by the day, and stronger, and more engaging. She knows how to make me laugh and she enjoys each moment of her day. She grasps each toy as if its her last chance to play. She smiles at the pictures hanging in her room. The ones that are slightly wonky because I hung them when I was pregnant and so couldn’t check if they were straight. I hung them in anticipation of what was to come. What would she look like? Would she like the pictures her dad and I had chosen for her?

It turns out that she does. In fact, she loves them.

When I say my daughter is growing up, I actually mean that she understands that she is a part of me. And that she was here even before she was aware of it. She understands that there are people (not just her Dad and I) who love her, who can’t wait to hear her little laugh and see her beautiful smile when she finds something funny.

She has grown up because she now knows that even when we are not there, holding her, smiling at her. We love her. More than she will ever imagine.

My daughter is growing up, because I am ready. I am grown up in a way that means she can be. We still eat, play, sleep and cry together. But now she knows that although we do this together, one day I will leave her. She knows this as she is building up her relationships with others. In a way she had not before. I like this because it means that when we are together, she feels safe. She can know that there are others out there who will love and look after her, alongside me.

She is growing up because she understands that there are other relationships aside from ours.

She speaks to me in a way that I understand. She doesn’t use words yet, but sounds. I also think she understands what I say. She tells me so in her own way. She tells me that she is happy. And that makes me happy. She feels safe in the knowledge that she can enjoy other people now too.

My daughter is growing more quickly than I though possible. But in the early hours, she still wants to be with me. Tucked up in my bed. Sleeping, in the knowledge that I will be there when she wakes up. She is still my baby and will be for a long time to come. I kiss her goodnight and good morning. Every night and every morning. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Guest post from Aylin Kunter – Writer, new Mom, lecturer in Organisation Studies and a ferociously- smart Ph.d.


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